Office Chivalry Isn't Dead, Too?

I just had one of those office incidents where you confront an awkward bump in the road of your daily routine and there is no way to come out of it right, so you dig a deeper hole and jump into it.

It started when I walked down a hall that ends in an open doorway, and two female colleagues were a few steps behind me. I arrived at the doorway first, but as I approached the doorway, some custodial staff carrying heavy items arrived on their way in just as I was about to walk out. Their arms being laden and mine empty, I stepped aside and let them enter. When they passed, I started to exit, and the two women who were behind me sort of tried to come around me and go through first. They were not about to barrel over me and were somewhat hesitant in what I perceived to be their pushiness. I also did a bit of a double-take, kind of not believing that they would be doing that, and half-willing to give in if they were resolute -- but they weren't, so I just went through ahead of them. Immediately, one of them declared loudly to the other, "How do you spell chivalry? Is it C-H-I-V-A-L-R-Y, or was that D-E-A-D?"

Now I should have left it at that. I knew that I was there first, and that it was my turn to walk through the door. I also knew that neither of these two were known as the bright smily faces of the office. But I also have a reputation for being a nice, polite guy, and I had no personal beef with these women. And now they were willing to publicly declare that I am rude. So the hole: I jotted off and sent the dreaded email one writes while still under the influence of the catalytic event, without waiting 24 hours to cool off. "Chivalry," read the subject line, "applies only when women are not equal," continued the message. Signed, ";o)" -- to make sure levity prevails.

Oh, no.

Within one minute, both were in my office giving me a lecture on common courtesy. Now, these aren't people who, like me, have a reputation for being polite. When I am wronged in a way that it would serve no purpose to redress, I don't seek out the wrongdoer for battle. The event might affect my opinion of the person for a while, perhaps in a permanent way if the offending conduct is frequent, but more likely I will just forget about it.

First I listened to the spiel, which included an attack on feminism for making people think that door-holding and the like demeans equality, and an attack on younger people's attitudes (I'm 40, they are 50-60). Then I politely asked what the unchivalrous conduct had been. Both said that I had barged through the doorway ahead of them! So, I point-blank said, "But I was there first, and I had stepped aside to let people carrying heavy things through the door first, and then, since I had been there first, I started to go -- and it didn't occur to me that you were expecting me to give up my place to let you pass first from behind me."

Well, needless to say, the hole was already dug. They had put me into the pigeonhole of ungracious younger man with a bad attitude, and now I had the gall to defend myself. And by association, perhaps, the younger (or at least, less middle-aged) generation. They weren't looking for an explanation, and certainly not one that might turn the situation into something less than proof of my misdeed.

They simply left, appearing disgusted that I did not see their plight.

Now it's almost time to go pick up my son from day care. One of the things I teach him is that he should share and take turns, but also that he should not let other people take his turn away from him. Am I setting him up to be rude?